MORONLINE: my "Culprit Collection"

This blog began with letters I'd received from those on the social sites who don't read profiles, so they emailed me needlessly. It has veered into complete idiot territory, as now the bulk of these guys (and girls!) are clearly employed by swindlers. They do NOT pay attention to profiles, and they assume they are the only ones doing it & that their messages will be believable.

THE TITLE, "MORONLINE" SIMPLY PUTS 'MORON' AND 'ONLINE' TOGETHER.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

8-o ~~~~ !!!!

OY.
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Mail from gamrlonely (28/09/08 @ 22:16)

Subject: Hello Dear

Message:
Hello Dear
I am Jeff By name, A.K.A Mr. Right. I'm a full body build man, cute and good looking; I have Brown eyes, brown hair and 5.9ft. I am into computer hardware. I like traveling and making new friends because its fun at times knowing someone new and special. I'm seeking for a woman with a beautiful heart, who loves intimacy and caring, a woman who's ready to give as much Love i will give to her. I do not want Ms. Perfect, what i actually want is Ms. Right, so she can be my better half, so she can be neck while am the head. I Love to hold hands while walking on the streets, I love to hug and to spoil as well. I am very passionate, emotional and affectionate person.
Right now, i live by myself and searching for my soul mate, someone i will spend my eternity with, My favorite color is Pink. My Hopes and dreams in life is to find my soul mate someday, that’s why i decided to try the online dating, though am new to this and want to see how things go on here. I’ve been single for a while now trying to find a real love. I like playing basketball, volleyball and soccer. Like going to the Gym and exercising most of the weekends.
As I came across your profile you seem to posses some sought of magnetic charm that elicited my interest and fascination. My admiration and physical attraction drew forth my immediate response without hesitation because you appeal to my dreams, desire and taste. My sudden instinctive response was based primarily on a spontaneous mutual attraction which rendered me helpless and unable to resist communicating with you immediately, please afford me the opportunity to know you. I would like to be the love you are looking and you be the one that I am looking for.
Distance is not a barrier as long as our hearts connect as one. Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle; rather a great reminder of just how strong true love can be, Distance does not matter if two hearts are loyal to one another. your beauty and sweetness captured my heart, Only God's creations can compare to the beauty that I see in you, The greatest gift to my eyesight is having my eyes set on you. They say, 'A picture is worth a thousand words,' but when I saw yours, I was speechless. If you are a paid member, you can send me your email so i can email you some pictures of me.
I wait to receive your letters soon.
Jeff

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.. and what IS this over-familiarity with a total stranger? ... "Dear"???! Honestly, do these guys really believe it's a turn-on?

... wait: am I SHOUTING??

Saturday, September 27, 2008

I promise you I am NOT making these up.

Um ...
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Mail from brianautopart (27/09/08 @ 13:57)

Subject: hi

Message:
Delights me communing with you Ms.

As my profile implies, am 50 at the moment and a widower searching for love. Am new on the site sort off . In my own words i believe am a man with what I have to offer is meant for someone special. I love to have fun and appreciate a partner who knows the value in laughter. My values are compatible with a woman who respects herself and has integrity.There is no compromise in me with certain characteristics in a woman.She must have some fire and life to her and who isn't afraid to show some spunk.

She also needs to be full of policy and respect God and Man.The ancient addage is "Ask and you shall receive". Destiny is still alive! I sincerely look forward to hearing back from you..
My personal email addreses are brianautopart@yahoo.com .Lots of funloving Moments, Jojo

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Okay, Jojo.

I'm 46 at the moment, and also at this moment my profile explicitly states I am NOT on the site to find a hubby. As MY profile says quite blatantly (rather than just implying), I'm on to make FRIENDS ONLY, because the option I chose is "JUST BUDDIES".
It's clear you didn't notice that, even tho' you seem to claim having noticed enough in me to get so gloppy .. *ew*

Happy Trails, Jojo.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Just didn't need this ...

At almost 3am, when my cat refuses to let me sleep, I can do without an email from lame, oily turkeys such as ....
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Mail from macusp (26/09/08 @ 10:55)

Subject: HELLO;;;;;

Message:
Hi Dear,
I wonder how God could let you go off so easily,seeing you has really made me forget to ask how u are doing.well let me not be carried away by your beauty,I must tell you the truth you are among the wonders of Gods beauty.I am sorry, i ougth to introduce my self,my name is paul,a 38years old living in Los Angeles.I am widow and have one child.
Meeting with you will be my first joy,I am currently online now and i will really want us to talk, please it will gladden my heart if i get your response. I am new to fusion101 so it would be best you reply me . You are beautiful, Cheers till i hear from you.we can chat via yahoo messenger macusp@yahoo.com

PAUL

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I mean GAG ME!!! ... this thing has got to be kidding. I'm sure it's nothing more than a bot checking on valid addresses, etc. I'm sure it won't notice being BLOCKED.

*PFffffffffffffffffffffTTT!!!~~~~~!!!!**

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Got TWO today!

YA~hOOOOOOooohhhh!!!!
1 ----------------------
Mail from riccard (17/09/08 @ 07:52)
Subject: hi
Message:
i am steven mayo person, God bless and how are you today , i read through your profile and i i love it, i am from england, i will be happy to know you, i am 40 years, and a successeful engineer, my e mail id is stevenkmayo@yahoo.com
cheers.steven.
2 ----------------------
Mail from jike (17/09/08 @ 09:30)
Subject: hello
Message:
Hello how are u doing i was going through the site and i got to love your profile and i decided to email so that will can know more about each other email me in my private box i will waiting to hear from you ejikeme_nze@yahoo.com
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.. ???! ~~~> :-)
YA~hOOOOOOooohhhh!!!!

Monday, September 8, 2008

What? .. no Yahoo address?!

No matter: he's just as guilty of not reading the profile ..
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Mail from its42and1966 (08/09/08 @ 23:39)

Subject: Peace of God be with you....
Message:
Peace of the Lord be with you....
I am morries warlth...A single born again christian..Who is taking is time to search on the right person for him to grow old with...I just just sign up to this site last week its was introduced to me by my regional pastor..Since then i don't have chance to go through it till this moment...I saw ur profile and picture its look great and simple...I will love to know more about you...
Thanks very much for you will take you time to go through my profile too..Sorry for my picture is still on ending..As time goes on you will my picture....I really hope that God speak to you so that you will know how important this is to me if i could read from you soon.....God be with you through our lord Jesus..(Amen)
Thanks
Morries Warlth

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*sigh*